nicole's journal....

this one is for rocco....

Thu, 06 May 2004 18:56:36 GMT

well i've been getting yelled at a lot lately because i haven't updated this damn journal. truth is i just don't have time or the will too. i suppose a lot has changed and even more will change in the next week.

classes have officially ended. finals started today. i had IH it sucked, but its done. only 4 more to go. i'll be home may 12th. i cant wait.

this year has gone so damn quickly. i cant believe its almost done. i feel like i just moved in. next year should be fun though, having my own apartment and all. :-)

i can't wait to get back to jersey and see my love, sara. we have so many good times planned for this summer. its gunna be amazing. i mostly cant wait for our long talks about everything and nothing, in person not on the phone.

nick's birthday was last week. i took him to a phillies game and had his name on the scoreboard and everything. it was cute. i'm such a dork.

rocco is being such an asshole lately. i feel like he never wants to chill with me. he's always too busy and preoccupied. i dont know what to do.

i guess thats pretty much my update. i dont know what else to write.

later gator.

xoxo

"i will wait for you, if you will wait for me."

Sun, 22 Feb 2004 06:19:56 GMT

well it's been about a month so that means another update from nicole. this will probably be short as i tend to get bored of updating easily.

first off. nicholas is the greatest boyfriend in the entire world. he made valentines day perfect and memorable. he buys me my strawberry milk. just every little thing he does makes me happy. even when we fight(which is rare) things are perfect. i couldn't be happier with him. it's kinda funny calling him my boyfriend now. we've basically been together since december, we're just now official. the things drunk dial can help. haha

second of all. i miss sara like whoa. me and nick had a falling out for a minute and sara came and saved the day. i can't wait till spring break when i get to see her. it's gunna be amazing. all my times with her are. she is seriously the bestest friend in the entire world.

third of all. jarrods birthday party last weekend. great. seeing everyone from home. amazing. can't wait for spring break and good times.

fourth. i can no longer go shopping. i am going broke. me and rocco need to resist the urges that come over us.

fifth. everyone here hates each other again. people do fucked up shit. i still need to have a "discussion" with the bitch. he'll avoid it forever though.

sixth. rocco is my darling. i am his muffin. we are extremely bored people.

seventh. i'm done with this update shit. i probably forgot a lot of things but if i did they're just not important anyway. im gunna go talk to my sara and watch some television.

xoxo

another month goes by and another update is made.

Fri, 23 Jan 2004 06:56:11 GMT

well i've been back at school for almost a week now. it's amazing how much a month away can change people and perspectives. my month home was amazing to say the least. i never realized how great i had it until i heard how bad some others do.

first off, partying at jarrods was insane. i probably drank too much and did things that shouldn't have happened. but there's no regrets here. as sara taught me, there's just no point. it was great to see people i haven't seen in forever. i miss them all so much right now. we shared so many great times together over the break, things that without them wouldn't have been the same. i also got closer to people that i haven't talked to in ages which was nice. diner nights and outtings to applebees, how i long for them right now.

i miss sara like crazy. i miss her being so within reach, not that she isn't now but we're both back at school and back to our "other" lives. she's such an amazing friend and we went through a lot together over break. things that are beyond even the craziest imaginations.

it's so weird being back in philly. classes started and i hate them. it feels like we never left at all. there was so much tension at first but i think its all settled now. it was nice to see everyone again even though nick and rachel both came to jersey twice and i went to reading one weekend so i saw nick and rachel every weekend. it wasn't what i expected at all so it was a good surprise. things are def different now. i already made a mistake but im working through it. we're all gradually getting back to the routine of things. dinner's together, me and nick in my room and everyone else in kevin's room.

i don't have classes tomorrow but i think im gunna make this an early night. nick already left so there's not much else to do. i guess that's a pretty decent update for now. if anything else comes up of significance i'm sure i'll update. i miss jersey :-(

goodnight
xoxo

this entry has been a long time coming...

Thu, 18 Dec 2003 05:56:22 GMT

well as everyones finishing their finals and getting ready to head home this place has an erie feeling surrounding it. i can't believe i just finished my first semester of college. well technically friday after 1pm i'll have finished it but yeah you get the point. so much has happened and changed and wow i dont even know where to start.

first of all, there's way more drama in college then there ever was in high school, at least for me. it could also be cuz we're all in a "real world" scenerio. 6 strangers, 3 girls and 3 guys you can imagine the drama there. i'm def looking foward to getting out of this place. hopefully a break will help me get my mind off of him, not that its really possible to stop thinking of him though.

"him" would be one of the only people that makes this place bearable and worth living at. he's one of the greatest people i've met since i've been here. he def helps make my day all the time. since he left tuesday it's been a hard few days. at least we left on a good note. i can't complain even though i continue to do so.

rachel is another one that keeps me sane here. she knows what im going through and listens to me bitch about actually being happy and havign shit go right for once. she's had to go through a lot this year and i'm glad i could be there to help see her through it. i dont know what i would do without our girl talks. we always pick the winners(sarcasm)

then my roommate daria. wow what a crazy little girl. she knows how to make all of us happy no matter what. she's absolutely insane. but i love her. she listens to me bitch, i listen to her bitch. we know whats up and we take turns trading off the room. haha.

the rest of them are all chill people when they want to be. we've all been getting a lot closer. i guess thats in part because i'm finally letting my guard down a little and trusting some more. not too much though. you can never be too careful. i guess we'll just have to wait and see what happens.

as of right now i'm avoiding my mass communication theory text book and studying as a whole. there's only so much reading one can do in a night. i think my brain may be a tad overloaded. way too much coffee and cigarrettes. it's gunna be a long night. but as soon as i get through these two nights i'm done. done with this semester. then i get my month away. i hope it goes well. i already miss him so that probably won't change but i hope i have a good time with all my friends. i have like such a short break. i come back the 18th. or the 19th. whichever i prefer. actually depending on him and my roomie. haha. cuz there may have to be some adjustments made.

for now all i can do is wear these earrings and listen to our song and think of him. i just hope he's doing the same. i never thought i could miss someone this much. i guess i tend to surprise myself from time to time. this is gunna be a good month. im hoping for the best.

meg comes home friday. she'll be back before i get there. it'll be nice to see her. i got some pictures to share with her and stories to tell. matt and i have some catching up to do. he's missing a lot of details right now.

well, back to my communication theory book. at least for another hour. then sleep, then exam. wish me luck. see ya'll on the flipside.

"i hate everything about you" hah how i wish that was true.

xoxo

Wed, 12 Nov 2003 07:16:24 GMT

well its been a hell of a long time since my last update and i guess its still the same old shit going down. i can't wait to get home for thanksgiving and see my sara. i miss that girl way too damn much. i miss how we never ever have drama and support each others decisions even if we don't agree. she is seriously the bestest friend i could ever ask for. thanksgiving week is gunna be such an awesome week too. we have so much planned to do and we're both coming home tuesday instead of wednesday. thats a whole extra night of funness.

so i went home this weekend. got some way interesting news from a friend of mine. completely shocked me. i never in a million years would of guessed what she told me. i'd say it on here but its not really my business to be posting it. went to the diner with kenny also. it was nice seeing him. its been almost a month, a little less. chilled with dan. that was another surprise. didn't expect him to know i was home let alone call me. i got my hair done. i wanted brown. its blonde. its a good length though and apparently it looks nice.

today seemed like the longest and craziest day ever. not really sure why. nothing really happened except i still have to yet to start my huge project that is due tomorrow. hmm. dragged rachel to rite aid with me, then chilled here for awhile. got introduced to *him*. he seemed nervous for some reason. rachel will find out the deal about that. ::crosses fingers:: he's so fuckin cute. even with the new hair. kind of a music snob though. oh well. guess he can't be perfect. at one point there was like 10 people in my room and everyone was screaming and being loud. gave me a headache. decent time though. its nice to finally have a group of friends to chill with. makes me happy. so after like our 4th trip down for cigs me and rachel take the elevator back up to kevins floor and get stuck. we were stuck in the elevator for like 20 minutes with this guy that has the most gorgeous brown eyes i've ever seen (well maybe). he was pretty funny. i was def relieved to get the fuck outta there. haha. don't ever get stuck in an elevator if you can stand it.

i guess you can say its been a good few weeks. i've kept busy and such. met some really awesome people and some assholes. i def need to start my project now though. its due in 8 hours and i havent even put a dent in it. its gunna be an interesting presentation to say the least. haha

later fools

xoxo

Wed, 29 Oct 2003 07:42:14 GMT

i've been thinking a lot these past few days. more so about people then other things. i really miss how everything was. i had probably one of the best summers in a long time. everything seemed to work out just fine. i don't even really remember anything that went bad, cuz it didn't matter. these days the bad stuff seems to matter way more then the good and i don't like that. i miss being able to meet up with sara after work and going to the diner. it didn't seem important then. it was just routine. but it matters more then ever now. i miss going on late night adventures with steph, for ice cream. i miss everyone who made this past summer such an important memory. i wish i had hung out with some people more (ie andrew) but there's nothing i can change about that now. it's really sad to think that in just 2 months everyone has changed so much. i guess i should've expected that but it still makes me sad. i feel some people need me less then before and people that swore we would keep in touch just don't bother anymore. the first month of school things were still good. we all missed each other and couldn't wait to see each other. now its more like i can't wait to thanksgiving to see everyone instead of making time now. i guess everyone has made new friends and its inevitable but i just wish it wasn't. i am having fun at school, don't get me wrong. i just wish that i could include my friends from home in the fun. it's also a lot harder for me to adapt and miss peole when i get the chance to see someone every weekend. if i don't go home then someone comes to visit. i've been lucky in that sense. megan, jarrod, kenny, eric, sara, dana, heather, angie, laurie, and jackie have all been here at least once to visit. most of them more then once. some of them i miss less and less each time they visit but others i wish would come so much more. this weekend kari is coming up from DE and we're going to the Brand New show. i can't wait for that. sunday eric might come up with george and go to a static lullaby with me. hopefully that happens. otherwise i have no idea what to do this weekend.

i read "the perks of being a wallflower" again last night. i read the whole thing, cover to cover. i really enjoy that book. i don't care how overrated it is. everytime i read it, its like i pull something else out of it. i dont even care that i've read it before. nothing is spoiled for me.

i showed rachel my yearbook today. i haven't really looked at since i've been here. it was weird showing her everyone that i went to high school with. it was also weird looking at hers. so many people that meant so much to us at one point. i also read what everyone wrote to me. made me almost cry. i remember everything that happened like it was yesterday. its kinda sad i didn't get half the people that meant something to me to sign it. there just wasn't enough time. as more years pass i'll regret it even more. i can't go back to last june though.

well i think im done for tonight. gotta keep moving foward. at least thats what im telling myself.

xoxo

update

Tue, 07 Oct 2003 04:02:30 GMT

so i just woke up from such a good nap. i felt good to actually sleep for a little while. i haven't been able to really do that in awhile. so i went home this weekend. the big surprise party was on Saturday. i think it went rather good. my parents seemed pretty surprised. i love how my sister comes home for like 3 days and we can't even get along. she can be such a bitch. we went shopping Sunday. i got some cute clothes. there isn't much winter stuff out yet. there were some decent sales though.

i feel like i have so much left to do this month. its gunna be hell until thanksgiving, then its gunna be worse then hell cause of finals. i'm so not looking forward to it all. its starting to go faster now though, time that is. this weekend coming up i'm going home again... my parents will be on a cruise so i have to "house sit" haha. SARA'S COMING UP!!! i am so excited. i mean i was goin to go pick her up anyway. but i am so happy. me and her have way too much catching up to do. its so hard with different schedules to talk as much as i'd like though. we def have to have a regent night. a long night. just me and her. she has to tell me so much.

i took two exams last week. they didn't seem too bad. i have another one Wednesday in American politics. that's gunna be fun. ha. i went to my recitation today after debating whether or not i should even bother to find out all we had to do was sign in. what was the point of me waking up for? at least i got to come back and work on my paper some more. considering it was due at 1:40 and at 11:40 i only had half done and two classes. i got it done though. i always do.

i miss him. i don't know why. certain songs just make me think about him. i really need to talk to boblarryjimjoerich. he's so weird though. now boy on 7th floor. just wait till 11/20. we have plans. hah. he's actually cute. like other people would think so too. i don’t know why i still haven’t asked him his name. he knows mine. hah. i feel weird asking now though.

my weekend iteniry from now till thanksgiving
this weekend - home
weekend of the 17th - Maryland
weekend of the 24th - Rutgers football game + visitors
weekend of the 31st - brand new w/ Kari
11/02 - static lullaby
11/09 - ALK3!! FATA
11/14 - std/tbs
11/20 - coheed & thursday & thrice
11/25 - ltj/rufio

so if you wanna get in on the action let me know. hah. that is so cheesy. anyways. i gotta let daria print something out so i'm gunna get going.
check your asses later.

xoxo

Sun, 28 Sep 2003 08:50:24 GMT

ok so i just came back up to my room after meeting john the sophomore. he was kinda cute. at least i thought he was pretty cute so i'd hope some one else would think he was cute. i just have a little pet peeve to rant about. what is with everytime you meet someone the first question they ask, after whats your name, "what's your major?" i am so tired of answering this question. what does it really matter what it is. is it gunna change something. it doesnt really help the conversation. i mean seriously, why even ask. its my biggest annoyance so far. so he's a film major, im communications. we're in SCAT. woohooo. i just dont understand what the point of asking is. can you tell something about a person by their major? i dont think so. are you gunna like someone less if they're a math major? probably not. so please if you meet me, do not ask me my major. i would really prefer not talking about that. now maybe if you asked to come up to my room, hah just kidding. but still, you get the point.

ok this was really pointless and its almost 5am. so im gunna end it now.

i hope you all got the point i was trying to come across with here.

good night all

xoxo

Sat, 27 Sep 2003 20:25:03 GMT

well it's been an interesting couple of days. monday megan came up to go shopping with me but as she was on her way i called my mom and she told me some not so good news. my grandma died on monday morning. so we still went shopping this time with a different intention in mind. i drove back to jersey that night with meg. went to the diner with eric for a little bit. it was a really looooooong day.

it felt so weird to be home and so weird to drive my car. i haven't driven in a month. it was crazy. my sister came home early wednesday morning in time for the first wake. it didnt even look like my grandmother. it was crazy. if i hadnt known everything she's been through i would never believe that it was her.

the rest of the week was kind of a blur. a lot of family gatherings which in a sense helped us plan for next weekend a little better. i came back up to school late thursday night. friday daria left to go home so kenny, jarrod and heather came up to visit. we went down to south st. it was a decent time i suppose. i wasnt really feeling being down by south st though. everything was closed or closing as we got there anyway.

no idea what im gunna do today. i gotta give corrie a call and make sure she doesnt go home. we'll see though. i really feel like just sleeping forever but i know i cant do that. or can i? haha

well im done.

xoxo

friends can make something that much better.

Mon, 22 Sep 2003 06:09:31 GMT

well for the first time in awhile i had a completely awesome weekend. sara came up from maryland, eric + kenny managed to get here and we chilled with steph. so everything that was supposed to happen this weekend did, well except for the PTW show but its all good. im gunna recap day by day cuz its just easier that way.

friday - classes were ok, i guess as good as they could be. i have so much catching up to do in my sociology class. eric and kenny called at like 2:30 and decided they were going to come. it was def a surprise to say the least, seeing as though they were supposed to come last weekend and failed. so as soon as they got here we got on the subway and trekked down to the 30th st station to meet sara. after we got sar we walked down to drexel to meet up with steph. took a trolley down to south st and walked and chilled there for a bit. it was a def a lot of fun and i'm so glad she FINALLY moved in. we're def going to chill a lot (at least i hope).

saturday me and sar woke up at like 1:30, her earlier then me, as always. we got some lunch and headed down to the electric factory for MCR show. it was a lot of fun. i think i may be actually getting used to the subway too. jessetimjoebobharry went to the same show. :-) hehe. after the show we walked around A LOT A LOT. got something to eat. came back here. caused chaos, left our marks, well sara left our mark. laughed so much. now i know what i honestly miss the most. our crazy hour long laugh fests that consist of sara making fun of me the entire time. good times.

sunday i had to say goodbye to her and send her back to where she came from. twas very sad. i'll see her in three weeks though so i guess i'll survive. didnt do much but sleep today. had a really sad conversation with daria about the past and him and everything that happened. it lasted way too long.

so much homework to do and not enough motivation. i miss my friends like crazy. i can't wait till i see them all and good times are shared again. i need regent cheese fries and long talks with sar.

upside: megan is coming up tomorrow afternoon and we're gunna shop till we drop, literally. i cant wait. i need clothes and shoes and jewelry and purses. ahhh the many joys of living in a relatively large city.

i wish everyone that mattered went here and i got to see them everyday. i really do appreciate them and everything they've done for me. i have some really amazing friends.

ok i'm gunna end this before it gets all sad and depressing (as if it isn't already)

check ya later

xoxo

survery says.........

Thu, 18 Sep 2003 19:41:16 GMT

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE ME:
01 | being alone
02 | being without my friends
03 | someone close to me dying
--------------------------------------------------
THREE PEOPLE THAT MAKE ME LAUGH:
01 | sara
02 | jarrod
03 | eric/kenny combo
---------------------------------------------------
THREE THINGS/PEOPLE I LOVE:
01 | sara
02 | shopping/spending money
03 | my family/some other friends
---------------------------------------------------
THREE THINGS/PEOPLE I HATE:
01 | extemely annoying people
02 | waking up early
03 | class
---------------------------------------------------
THREE THINGS ON MY DESK:
01 | laptop
02 | cds
03 | books
---------------------------------------------------
THREE THINGS I'M DOING RIGHT NOW:
01 | filling this out
02 | listening to death cab for cutie
03 | talking to megan
---------------------------------------------------
THREE THINGS I CAN DO:
01 | sleep
02 | read
03 | listen to music
---------------------------------------------------
THREE THINGS I CAN'T DO:
01 | jerk off
02 | drive my car
03 | legally buy liquor
--------------------------------------------------
THREE THINGS I THINK YOU SHOULD LISTEN TO:
01 | new coheed
02 | alk3
03 | texas is the reason
---------------------------------------------------
THREE THINGS I SAY THE MOST:
01 | yeah
02 | fuck
03 | true
---------------------------------------------------
THREE OF YOUR ABSOLUTE FAVORITE FOODS:
01 | cheese fries
02 | pasta
03 | a really good salad
---------------------------------------------------
THREE THINGS YOU'D LIKE TO LEARN:
01 | guitar
02 | how to play lacross
03 | more detailed photography
---------------------------------------------------
THREE BEVERAGES YOU DRINK REGULARLY:
01 | water
02 | coffee
03 | green tea
---------------------------------------------------
THREE SHOWS YOU WATCHED WHEN YOU WERE A KID:
01 | full house
02 | eurkekas castle
03 | winnie the pooh

yoooooo

Fri, 12 Sep 2003 02:07:35 GMT

well its been a while and a lot has happened/changed since i've left jersey. first off i need to thank all of my friends that spent that last week with me. you guys are AMAZING and i wouldn't trade you for anything, ever. that last week made it pretty hard to come here. i havent found anyone that could come close to being as close to me as some of my friends were back home but i guess thats what this is about. i miss everyone crazy and there's not a time that i dont think about what it would be like to be home but i do know this is for the better.

school is going pretty good. i have relatively easy classes at good times. i just hate wakin up in general. i've been doing a lot of exploring since i've been here. my roommate is pretty cool so we've been spending some time together. i just keep meeting all these people and i dont even remember half their names. its hard. how are you supposed to make friends when you meet at least 4 new people a day and dont remember who you met the day before? ah well

last weekend i went to see sara and in turn we went to washington dc to see akeem and josh. it was an ok time. did some shit that i didnt know i did and am now stuck with the consequences. i will get through it though. i always do.

i have no desire to ever see/talk to him again. so go me. he did some fucked up shit and i finally gave up. he found my limit and he's not pushing it any further. so i'm done. done for good. it feels nice.

i'm supposed to have some visitors this weekend. we'll see how that goes. i love seeing my friends. i miss them so much. they are such important people to me and being away from them has really made me realize that.

steph needs to move in already damn.

sara is coming september 19....i can't wait!!!! i miss this girl so fuckin much even though i saw her last weekend. i dont know how im gunna last. we're gunna have a blast. i know it! whoo..

so i have a pretty packed weekend schedule in september. i just need to find something for the final weekend. i will be home on the 3rd of october for the whole weekend and the following weekend after that. party at my house! hah.

ok i think this is a pretty decent update for now. i will try to write more in here as time goes. it seems to be a real stress releaser. sometimes when you write something out you realize what an idiot you've been.

one day at a time. thats how i'm going.

i'm off to see whats going down tonight.

they dont call it thirsty thursday for nothing. haha

Wed, 20 Aug 2003 07:45:43 GMT

its been a hell of a long time since i've last updated, or at least it seems. i went from almost everyday to maybe once a week. i guess thats good though. i haven't really had time to sit and thing too much about whats going on so it hasnt been burdening me to much.

i can't believe summer is almost over and i have to move away in a week. i'm gunna miss everyone soo much. i've been having such a fun month too. i've been seeing everyone and just having a good time. take tonight for example, kenny, chase, eric, jarrod, laurie, lindsay, jackie, sara, me, rachel, heather and i think more went to the diner after i got off work and it was just good to see everyone. drew came up to the boardwalk so i saw him too. i've been chillin with megan a lot more lately too. just weird how things fall into place.

dave drews party was the other night. it was a good time. megan and dana came. not sure if they had a good time cuz they didnt really know anyone. jackie is having a party tomorrow night. that should be a good time. i invited way too many people considering it isn't my party. oh well. she'll be alright. hah.

surprise phone call the other night. not sure if it was really all that good in the long run. he probably wont ever call again. who am i to kid. it was ok while it lasted. i've learned to just take things as they come and as they are and to try not to expect too much more out of them. its been working so far. my hopes arent being let down as much. i'll just always wish things were different.

work has been going ok. i've learned to enjoy the people a lot more and its been going a lot quicker. periodical visitors always help too. i love seeing people up there. some how i always miss him when he's up there though. go figure.

im gunna make a list of people i wanna see before i leave and hopefully i'll see all of them. i want to take a lot of pictures too. i gotta figure out how im going to arrange them in my room.

im so scared to go away but i know its for the best and i know that i wont regret it. i'll def see who i keep in contact with and who i dont. i'm just scared to see how it turns out. i can't imagine not seeing some of these people anymore or hearing from them. i dont want to be a world away.

im gunna get to sleep before i get into too much of a deep thought or something. we wouldn't want that.

xoxo

Fri, 08 Aug 2003 06:03:57 GMT

so today i got called outta work...again. big surprise. i went to see jackies new house. its so cute. i brought her to work since her car was broken and i had nothing else to do.

so i went to get some school shoppin done with my mom. found the lap top im getting. it should be fun for a little while. im almost done with all this buying stuff. just a few things left. i can't wait for it to be done.

kenny actually called me today. so him and eric came over and picked me up. we went to find a party to no avail. ended up going to jarrods and goin to applebees. then to lindas party. it was a blast.

called him when i got home. he pissed me off so i hung up. he called back. he's high as a fuckin kite. im not in the mood to deal with that shit. not sure which is worse. talking to him drunk or talking to him while he's high. either way, i dont like it.

people made me think a lot tonight. why am i wasting my time pretending not to care when we all know i do and i just keep lying to myself. im not over it and i wont be for awhile. i always wait for him to call me or im me on the computer and he doesnt. i always look for him and i dont even mean too. i know what i have to do. its just a matter or doing it.

as of right now though. im going to go watch american beauty and fall asleep, alone. cuz what else is there to do at 2am on a rainy thursday night. besides wait around for you....

xoxo

Wed, 06 Aug 2003 06:02:39 GMT

well i got home a little bit ago. so tired. i feel like i lived in my car today.

the show was alright. a lot of the same old shit. makes me want to stop going to them. something about them. they're just not so much fun anymore.

i didnt see him. BIG surprise.

what do i have on my car sar? dirty angel wings? hah what a weirdo.

me and sara drove all over looking for a diner or something to be open. everything was closed. we have to find something to do up there. hmmm

i got work tomorrow, maybe. we'll see about this rain and shit. i gotta get to the bank. make a nice lil deposit and write meg her check.

ahh i gotta pay my ticket. i keep forgetting. haha

im gunna go to sleep now.

i got my late night phone call. me = thrilled.

xoxo

random thoughts, happenings, ect.

Tue, 05 Aug 2003 06:42:38 GMT

it's been quite awhile since i last wrote anything. not much has happened or changed. it's kinda sad how quickly this summer is going. i wish i had more time to enjoy it before i leave. but i guess all good things must end or so they say.

work has been alright. more of the same old routine. i've been seeing a lot of interesting people up there lately. tonight was a particularly good night, mike + pat = good night for nicole. woo. one hot guy got my attention today. sooo very cute. anyways.

been doing a lot of the usual lately. movies, seaside, random nothingness. seems pretty boring but as i was doing the afore mentioned i had a lot of fun. it's really funny who i've been hanging out with lately. people i never woulda thought. at least i didnt think i'd see them more than my other "friends". the people i thought i would never see i've been hanging out with and the people who assured me we'd chill, well we haven't. its weird that i saw a friend of mine the other day and he seemed more eager to chill then one of my good friends. i guess that's life.

its weird to think i move out in like 23 days. it is coming so quickly. i dont know what im gunna do. i have so much to do in less then a month. so many people to see. so much to buy. i'm trying to move on and embrace everything that is happening at the same time. its just so fast. i have a million people telling me a million different things.

in other news....i cut off all of my hair. hah well not really but a good 5-6 inches probably. it like right above my shoulders. i like it though. i wanted a change and well i got it.

probably going to see *him tomorrow. i'll be sure to let you know how that goes, if i remember. i'm not all that excited. good sign? i hope so.

it's only been 2 days but i miss my good night/last phone call.

i'm going to sleep. loooooooooong day tomorrow.

xoxo

Mon, 21 Jul 2003 18:12:18 GMT

well i took my placement tests. they were pretty retarted. the french was ridiculious. haha.

i haven't been doing much but working lately. the money's good so i shouldn't really complain. i feel like im there too much though. its good to see people coming up and visiting me. thanks guys.

friday night, it rained so i got outta work sorta early. i was happy. saw joe there. told him what happened. not sure if he was supposed to know or not but i dont give a fuck. i havent really talked to the kid since it happened and thats actually not my fault. he just has no common decency and im really starting to hate that.

saturday night was interesting. everyone went to the diner after work well mostly everyone. so i got there a little later cuz i went to pick up sara so she could come. megan, jay and john were there too. so we sat with everyone from lucky's until they left then went and sat with megan. it was def an interesting time. i didnt get home till like 4:30 and for some reason i couldn't sleep. so i was super tired when i had to get up and go to work the next morning.

i was looking foward to just coming home and sleeping after work last night but then people decide they're having a party so i end up at adams after work. interesting time to say the least. didnt drink much since i was driving home. again didnt get home till 5am. so tired.

i missed my doctors appointment this morning cuz i just shut off my alarm and went back to sleep. oops. parentals will probably kill me. oh well. i dont care.

about 38 days till i move in at temple.

work tonight. work tomorrow. work wednesday. temple orientation thursday-friday.

ok time to go get ready for an exciting night at the point pleasant boardwalk. check you later.

xoxo

oh hell yeah

Mon, 14 Jul 2003 05:20:15 GMT

wooo. so i've had to work like the past week which usually sucks right? but noo... these past three nights were special. haha i've had the pleasure of seeing him all three days! he makes me so happy and always makes me smile. like seriously. i couldn't have been any happier working tonight then i was when he smiled and came over to talk to me. ah the things i would do to that boy. hmm. brings back so many memories, memories that started with a pack of gum. who woulda thought.

he's actually been consuming my mind a lot lately. i hope he comes wednesday night. i want to really talk to him, at least talk to him without his friends around.

i actually had a lot of visitors tonight. at least it seemed like it. you guys gotta organize better, not all at the same time. one or two a night, haha. josh, kevin, britney and akeem were all there. weird without ramo. melissa and brian came up for a bit as i was leaving. laurie and lindsay were there for a little while. laura and unnamed friend stopped to talk for a bit. and of course pat.

its gunna be nice to have two days off. except tomorrow i got my damn placement tests at temple. oh well. they should be remotely easy. i hate taking tests almost more then i hate waking up in the morning. saras down at maryland doing her orientation up.

myrtle beach in august hopefully. just the girls. we'll have a damn good time. hah

ok time for pretend sleep.

xoxo

..........

Thu, 10 Jul 2003 06:18:18 GMT

why is the sound of his voice on the other end of the phone so comfortable? why do i feel so relaxed as i talk to him? why do i want to stay talking for hours? why can't i get over these feelings? it's been almost a year and i thought i was done, for good. now this. now i want to see him tomorrow. now i want him to be here now. now i don't know what to do. why does he have so much control over me? how can he not know. he knows. i know he knows. he just doesn't know. he'll always be my sex god.

i'm sure anyone who may read this will have no idea who/what i'm talking about. i just needed to get some shit out. sara, if you're reading this; you know who i'm talking about and i started again. only this time i didn't mean to.

this makes me miss him. not the previous metioned him. but dan. good ol' dan. ahh so many why's. i just wish he knew. i hope he's enjoying himself. i'm not.

i'm going to sleep, i hope.

xoxo

Thu, 10 Jul 2003 05:22:54 GMT

well its been a long week since i've last written anything. i haven't done much lately. lots of work. i brought home a nice check though, that always makes it seem worthwhile.

i've been going to seaside too much. chillin in the hot tub too much. i need to find something new to do. i'm getting bored already.

i went on a massive hunt for ice cream tonight. seems i got to every place around here a minute too late or something. ended up going to point. found only one place open, and yes got my ice cream. i lead such an exciting life.

i don't think about him when i wake up anymore. only when i go to sleep. hmm. i wish he was here.

i need sara to come home now. i miss her. she can't go to maryland next year. i dont know what im gunna do. i can't last a few days let alone forever. and she missed her birthday :(. i miss her.

then there's this new kid who i won't mention for fear of ruining something before it starts. its hard to see past a wall you've built for so many years. its hard to look at him differently. god i wish i could. he's got potential.

i'm about to go make a huge mistake that i will regret. why relight a burnt out candle??? why, cuz i'm nicole and that's what i do. i can never just finish something and leave it done.

here's where i'd say wish me luck, but why bother i already fucked it up. hmmm

xoxo

Thu, 03 Jul 2003 06:17:11 GMT

ugh. i am so tired. i got out of work early today too. it started raining up there. i hope it rains tomorrow too. of course it wont though, just cuz i want it to.

laurie and jackie came over and chilled for a bit. good times. hopefully tomorrow works out as planned.

8am eye doctor appointment just so he can say something else is wrong with my eye. shall be fun.

i'm gunna go shopping after that and get my nails done and such. i might actually make it over to the school and get my diploma.

my sister comes home tomorrow. she should be home about the time i have to leave for work.

sara leaves tomorrow. i hate her. im gunna miss her sooooo much.

hopefully i get called outta work tomorrow night. im crossing my fingers.

chillin with everyone tomorrow night. 30pk + hot tub = good times.

good night all.

xoxo

it's been quite a while

Wed, 02 Jul 2003 07:48:35 GMT

so i graduated. passed my gym final. haha

its so crazy. i cried so much last friday. not sure why. the speeches made me sad. it felt so weird to be the ones actually graduating. i still dont feel like it. oh well. i need my diploma.

its been a hectic past week. everyones been getting along and having a good time together. its a good change. partied at nicole's for two nights. not the best but better then nothing. hit up seaside on sunday. kenny is fuckin nuts. almost killed me like 200000 times. no lie. if he didnt love his car more then life i would have been terrified.

i've been working like every night. its crazy. it feels like last summer. every night 5-12. so visit me people. it gets boring.

i just talked to my roommate, Daria. she seems pretty cool. she talks a lot. more then me. we seem to have a lot in common. hopefully the whole situation works out nicely. we're already planning out our room. haha

its 3:30am and i'm still awake, what the fuck?

i need to develop a routine.

i wanna go shopping.

i need money.

i need sleep.

good night.

xoxo

Tue, 24 Jun 2003 15:42:12 GMT

so two finals down and like three more to go. the two i need are done though. that's all that matters.

finally nice weather.

yesterday after my final me and laurie went to the beach. it was so great. on the way there mike pulls up next to me at a light. swoon. we drives a suv. so hot. so brian, kenny and eric met us there. roebuck and split are gunna work with me. it shall be interesting. buck had to bounce so the 4 of us stayed and chilled on the beach till like 2:30. we then we went our seperate ways because i had to work.

i saw quite a few people up on the boardwalk last night. i was so exhausted from being at the beach all day that i wasn't even really paying attention though. ashley and steve were there, talked to her for a bit. michelle was there too. haven't talked to her in ages so that was nice. paul(sara's man) was there. i was hoping pat would be there too. adam let me go at like 10:30 or something. then i see pat. he's still very cute. his voice hasn't changed though. ah well. i hope he comes up more.

after work i went over to erics and met up with him and kenny. laurie was supposed to chill too but as usual she was MIA. so the three of us went to seaside. kenny and his damn paintball gun. we met up with jarrod there and just walked around for a bit. it was a good time. the three of them are soo funny when they wanna be. it was def a decent time though. i didn't get home till like 2 and of course i didnt go straight to bed. i had to be up at 6:30. i'm soo tired right now.

my eye is fucking up again. it hurts like crazy and itches. i keep doin the prescription shit and its not helping. i have no time to go see the eye doctor this week. it better fix itself.

now i'm debating if i wanna head to the beach for a little bit or just go out to lunch. hmmm. we'll see. i gotta be at work at 5 again today. sucks.

i'm done for now.

xoxo

Sat, 21 Jun 2003 05:33:44 GMT

yo. so today was the last "real" day of school. now we just have finals and all that bs. i still need my cap and gown. its so bittersweet. this whole leaving high school behind thing. like don't get me wrong i couldn't be more excited to be done but at the same time there's just a scary reality that goes with it. i have to move away from everyone and be on my own. that scares me.

eric summed it up perfectly today; he was saying how the whole year we were trying to find any way we could to get out of school and now it's like we're trying to find any way we can to say in school. as stupid as that sounds its the truth, at least for me.

school was actually a lot of fun today too. i didn't do shit. i like days like that. it was good to just talk with everyone and bs a whole lot. i felt like i had so much to get done the whole day and i waited to 8th period to do all of it. we had to go out to lunch though, for traditions sake. photo was crazy, all sorts of people running around that didn't belong. except sara, she was allowed to stay.

i went to work for a whole 10 minutes today. its all good though. i needed to get my paycheck anyway. mike worked. oh well i had somewhere else to be.

me and sar went to dans show tonight. dont think he saw me. oh well. not sure about how i feel on that whole situation. not that it's even a situation. ah whatever. i know how i should feel and i'm not sure if its how i actually do. good or bad. who knows.

turns out the big asian kid's band played. they weren't bad so we stayed for them. plus he's got "the" math teacher so you know sara had to work it. ant was there too. so was gabe(swoon). it was a surprise. not sure if it was pleasant or not. turns out erik was there but i dont think i saw him. i wish i did. life will go on though.

we hit up the regent after the show. turns out dan and paulo actually came. so we chilled with them for a little bit. funny guys. they kept telling us these crazy ass stories that you could hardly tell if they were true or not. hot mexican from the pool hall came too. he knew them so he came to say hi and they introduced us. his name is bruno. he does not look like a bruno. killer smile though.

now i'm having a "feelings" discussion with jon. this can't be good. what did i get myself into? this is when i wish i didn't have a heart.

well i'm debating whether or not to call. i think that i would know if i should. hmm. we'll see what happens and i'm sure i'll write about it later.

xoxo

just a few of the many things....

Thu, 19 Jun 2003 03:30:18 GMT

so my eye is now normal. i can see! whooo. haha. i have to go back to the eye doctor again tomorrow. 7:45am what the fuck?

school seems to be dragging on. i don't care. i'm trying to savor this as much as i can. as happy as i am to be graduating(hopefully) i'm gunna miss that place so much. i've gone there for 4 years. i know that school like the back of my hand. i'm gunna miss the teachers that i actually like. i'm gunna miss chris. haha

went to the mall with (taking back)sara. word up. we went lookin for graduation dresses. found a cute one in rampage. we'll have to see though. i realized again today that HE will be at graduation. that makes me all kinds of nervous/excited. it's been too long.

hmm what else is on my mind. i should probably be typing up my photo final. this way i dont have to go. trying to avoud school as much as possible that week. so much to do. i hope it does not rain on graduation. please don't let it rain. please.

its gunna rain this entire weekend. so much for work. maybe i should've babysat tonight. oh well. so now i need weekend plans. hmm there's shit to do friday, but do i actually wanna do it? we'll see. any ideas?

pat lee is funny.

i need to work on the situation 3rd prd. i will prevail!!

i am now going to discontinue this entry so i can reminisce about how bad me and stephs taste was. what the hell were we thinking half the time, girl?

xoxo